


Over the Rainbow

by micah_n10 (micah)



Series: 100 Themes [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-15
Updated: 2008-07-15
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micah/pseuds/micah_n10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“Stop abandoning me to the clutches of your thrice-damned hentai-fangirls,” Iruka snapped. “Be a man and tell them you’re gay!”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Over the Rainbow

**Author's Note:**

> Another old piece - really, painfully bad. And crack.
> 
> Theme: 18. Rainbow

Iruka groaned, squinting up at the painfully bright sky. He was dying, he was sure he was dying. If he wasn't, he wished he was. Why did a concussion have to hurt _so damn much?_ Why did _he_ have to play decoy? His friends were jounin—jounin!—why couldn't one of them be decoy for once?

"Nng… it hurts." He whimpered.

His head was pounding, and the faint ringing in his ears was not helping at all. Why, why hadn't they found a way to block out the sun yet? It was always so bright and hot and… there was that whole radiation thing. Surely they could just switch it off for a little while?

"…ow."

"Ruki-kuns!" Four shadows blocked out the painful radiance of the sun. Backlit, they were simply darkened shapes that he couldn't quite bring into focus. "You've been out cold for an hour, we were worried."

"Worried enough to leave me to be _trampled_," Iruka groused.

"Of course!"

With a groan he dragged his gaze from the annoying purple blur to the other three. There expressions—if those were lips and eyes and not the splotchy effect of some stampede-incurred aneurysm—ranged from concerned to amusement to… _orange_?

He blinked, attempting to clear his vision.

_Orange… orange… are those… little people? Is that…?_ A growl bubbled at the back of his throat. _That… that unmitigated, ungrateful… bastard! _

Flexing his fingers experimentally, Iruka quickly forgot his Icha Icha-related ire and frowned at the feeling of damp gravel beneath him. "…and in an alleyway, you assholes."

"That's not our fault!" The purple—_oh, no, wait… that was Anko_—accused. "Talk to mister Mysterious and Hunky over there."

"You are _all_ assholes for leaving me here." Iruka hissed, raising a shaky hand to rub his temple. "How long was I out for? No, never mind," he dropped his arm back to his side and closed his eyes. "I don't want to know."

"Think you can sit up?"

Iruka cracked open an eye to catch a senbon twitching close to his face. "Uh, yeah." He nodded, eying each of his friends in turn. "You know, I had the weirdest dream." He took Genma's proffered hand. "You were there and you were there… and you, and you. Tsunade was wearing a cape…"

A snort and a murmured _'kinky'_ emerged from behind the orange abomination.

"If only you had a brain," Kurenai sighed.

Iruka _glared_. "There was a little silvery-haired dog too, annoying thing. I fed him to the lions, tigers and bears."

"Oh, my." The red-eyed kunoichi giggled as she stepped back to make room, dragging Anko with her.

"Whatever you say, Dorothy." Genma smirked and tugged him up.

Iruka's glare transferred to the tokubetsu jounin and intensified. He held the unamused expression for several _painfully_ long seconds before it shifted into a grimace. One hand came up to cradle his spinning head, and he had to rest the other one on Genma's shoulder for support when the world tipped sideways for a second.

"Ow…"

"Cheer up!" Anko clapped him on the back, completely ignoring his grunt of pain. "Gai's in hiding and we managed to ditch lover-boy's fangirls four blocks over near the Uchiha compound. You should have seen duck-butts face…" She cackled.

"Anko-chan…?" Iruka took a deep breath in, and then slowly released it. Pushing away from Genma, he turned on the kunoichi. "Just… _shut up_. I swear, I've had it with you three."

"Hey," the snake summoner protested. "What about Kurenai-chan?"

"Well unlike _some_ of my friends, Kurenai-sempai is actually _nice_. I _like_ her." He sniffed dramatically, then quickly scowled. "The next time you and Gai—whom I _will_ find and punish—decide to challenge my _doofus_ of a partner, don't make him remove his mask. And you...!" He marched over to his _concerned_ lover, yanked the porn from his hands and waved it furiously in Kakashi's face.

"Stop abandoning me to the clutches of your thrice damned hentai fangirls. Be a man and tell them you're gay!"

"But… they're my fans." The bastard replied, wide-eye and scandalized. "You can't just snuff out all their ambitions like that. It's inhumane."

"Plus, they're a buncha crazy bitches." Anko added.

"Says the craziest bitch of them all," Genma muttered before finishing. "They'd probably kill him."

"_I'll_ kill him." Iruka ground out. "…and, you two _stop helping_ him."

"You won't. You love me." Kakashi smugly reasoned, his now narrowed gaze never once veering from his stolen porn—which was, admittedly, being brandished about rather violently.

"You're right." Iruka paused. "And that means I know exactly how to make you squeal like a stuck pig. I am _not_ playing the whipping boy for you any longer." He tucked the orange aberration under his arm, turned and stormed off, fully expecting his lover to follow.

Kakashi did, shoulders hunched and hands in pockets.

"And for Kami's sake," Iruka spun back around, exasperated. "Stop taking your mask off in fucking public. We all know you're a sexy bastard, you don't have to prove it!"


End file.
